'eagerness'

well well, i dont know why im so eager to blog this few days. considering that im much more tired and there is more things to do than usual, less sleep and etc, yet here i am again. moreover, im reluctant to blog anything specifically, just to mention where im at now (home, still) and where im going next (unknown, in this case).

always make it a point to read 2 different blogs everytime i get to use the net. hrmm, somehow this 2 just matters to me, to find out how they are, even being 14879248 miles away. thankfully, these to 2 are oftenly updated. then again, it could be im just clinging onto something familiar, so i wont totally forget. just to feel something.
comfort maintenance eh?

fire

the taurus's intensity has passed. he is smiling now.
i realize it does empower some, yet engulf others.

am learning to tame and channel the fire within, to serve and to help. any help or advice would be welcomed.=)

fire is a terrible master but wonderful servant.
let me attempt to appreciate and to inculate that from now on.
the fire that warms the house, when its cold.
the flame that cooks food for the table.
the light that brightens things when its dark.

maybe, all along in my life, i was never meant to be in charge. never to be the top and up there kinda guy. never meant to be always right. yet, ego and pride always made me push myself there, forming walls and closing doors. and causing so so much damage in the trialing blaze. i just hope it would not cause anymore mayhem.

allow me to go learn to play the fiddle. the second one. it should something similar to selling products, i hope? =x

uncomfortable

we have our piece and i understood. especially after the talk last night. albeit too late, even though i kept my fingers crossed that it was not.

i thought i tried my best, only to see my own severe inadequancies.
GOSH, Sheng. so feeble.
growing up and reflection time.

im still feeling uncomfortable and reeling.
but i have transited some, yet still am transiting as well.
no listening ear.
no words of comfort.

getting used to it though...

untitled

i cope with things via expressing them out.

thats one thing i realised.

when i do, i just need a comforting listening ear, if its not too much to ask for.
words of comfort would be nice.
touches of comfort would be invaluable.

i got to drop my ego and learn to stop bluffing myself.
i am getting better.
though the occasional invasions will attempt to wreak havoc for awhile, but yeah, am dealing with them, whenever and whichever manner they come.

what now?

all that disappointment and expectations flushed out by tears.

i never thought i was causing so much destruction and distraction and so unbelivably oblivious about it. yet the truth hurts when i look into the mirror.

i never felt more vulnerable. it really hurts.

im sorry. and i really hope its not too late.

i dont really wish to stay apart. not even for awhile.
the feeling is very lousy if it happens. serious.

keeping away.

i cant believe that i was actually camping to see each and every msn alert. and i cant believe that i scrambled to the handphone each time it rings/beeps. all these just hoping to see a familiar icon or number.

but i did. still am.

plenty of 'hurtful' accusations to hurl and to get but all i really want to say is:
its your call.
figuratively and literally and what-so-ever-ally.
though i hope you have not made it already.

burning out?

great!!
cs2 proposal need to get ideas from teammates.
osm handout is gone.
even the last resort wpdp requires teacher's comment.
what im going to do now?
i guess its nothing productive again.
sheesh

im getting burnt out, faster than i can imagine it possible. so many things i want to do, but competition for time seems so tough.

oh sheesh..

bored at home once again.
was looking at my schedule till holiday starts. and realised that its packed right till the first day. and there's one guilty party causing that.tsk tsk..hahas.=)

things, and what about it?

things are excellent and getting better. im starting to feel and give more than i could ever imagine, and its been a revelation. just smiling silly to myself..lalala~~=)

things have been going on very quickly and packed. homework rate has been increased due to the pending projects and that has taken quite a toll. am immersed deeply in many things and i was up for air yesterday night. it did help me put things in a few perspective and im grateful for that. shall have to keep those things in mind.=)

freaked?

i cant help but to freak out a little.
i dont really know why so.
but i really do appreciate some honesty.

*self-censorship rocks*

all i can hope is white piece of paper with some black dots.