clueless

have you ever 'die' without knowing why you are being killed? i think most of you should know how it feels. and i must say, im the latest victim in a 'stab and go' incident. i try to put this as neutral and as simplified as possible.

firstly, my stand was never get myself into nonsensical politics given by the 'all so wonderful' workplace, which everyone thinks highly of no one but themselves. i know i do not have a say or poke my nose into other peoples' life but it became kind of ridiculous. i was being told the time to leave and i abide by it. i did all the necessary things too. then again, it does not seem to have any effect what so ever on people who thinks that you are a prick to them. then again, question, what makes you feel that im a prick? i did not offend them in any way and im pretty sure about it. furthermore, it's only my second time going over there, i strongly believe that i did not do anything wrong on my first time there.

so it comes down to another question, are they pin pointing to the person or the company or just for the sake of fun? ive got no idea myself why such things happen. all i can say is that im not only disappointed, but ive caused disappointment to many others especially those who has taken care of me so much. that i have to apologize on that, for getting them scolded and hearing senseless complains.

ive absorb all the scoldings like a sponge but that plan seems futile. i rather wish that they could come clean with me and tell me what is that they dislike about me. if its something that obvious, im willing to change, i dont mind. however, everyone is keeping mum about it, it is very disturbing to me.

i thought that i have already cleared myself from those nonsensical rumors after my long absence, but it seems that it hasnt really been the case. perhaps trying too hard isnt going to help much either, and im disappointed in the whole situation as well as myself. i think i need a new way of approaching matters so that it will not cause such conflicts anymore in the future.

i guess there is no avail to clear this matter up and rather to let it rest already. ive been ousted out of that place for uncertainty. i guess i have to start from scratch again i guess.

anyway, i have to apologzie and thank oldman and daniel for helping clearing a mess i did not know of. hope it didnt cause too much trouble for them.

live 1 day at a time

this paragraph is taken off from john c. maxwell's book, "Attitude 101"

many a times, we tend to look too far ahead of our time that we thought it may happen or trying our very best to predict what might happen. indirectly, it causes nothing but stress and dreadful-ness.

any person can fight the battle for just one day. it is only when you and i add the burdens of those two awful eternities, yesterday and tomorrow, that we tremble. it is not the experiences of today that drive people to distraction; it is the remorse or bitterness for something that happened yesterday and the dread of what tomorrow may bring. let us therefore live but one day at a time - today!

our attitude determines our approach in life

i was reading a book in office today. its called 'attitude 101' by john maxwell. although i dont know this author at all, i manage to read up a small chapter of his book on 'how does attitude impact an individual'.

attitude axion #1/our attitude determines our approach to life

our attitude tells us what we expect from life. like an aeroplane, if our 'nose' is pointed up, we are taking off; if it is pointed down, we may be headed for a crash

one of my favourite stories about a grandfather and grandmother who visited their grandchildren. each afternoon grandfather would lie down for a nap. one day, as a practical joke, the kids decided to put Limburger cheese in his mustache. quite soon he awoke sniffing. 'why, this room stinks,' he exclaimed as he got up and went out into the kitchen. he wasnt there long until he decided that the kitchen smelled too, so he walked outdoors for a breath of fresh air. much to grandpa's surprise, the open air brought no relief, and he proclaimed,'the whole world stinks!'

how true that is to life! when we carry 'limburger cheese' in our attitudes, the whole world smells bad. we are individually responsible for our view of life. that truth has been known for ages and is conttrained in scripture:'for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap.' our attitude toward and action in life help determine what happens to us.

it would be impossible to estimate the number of jobs lost, the number of promotions missed, the number of sales not made, and the number of marriages ruined by poor attitudes.

but almost daily we witness jobs that are held but hated and marriages that are tolerated but unhappy, all because people are waiting for others, or the world, to change instead of realizing that they are responsible for their own behavior.

i would say this is neatly said. however, doing it is another story, i believe it can be done. keeping the positive mind and right attitude as stated in it.

that wasn't necessary

i really do not understand how come people can be such a nuisance when it comes to certain matters. im meaning the smallest matters that one can really be annoyed at. im rather surprise to see the reaction given by a person in regarding the whole matter.

i strongly believe that everything was done in jest. i dont understand why she has to be so hard up about, seriously i dont. and i dont think that it is necessary for such comments made to yourself in your own closed up world. however, i must emphasize that im not trying to imply anything over here.

what is wrong with looking? i dont see a problem as much as you do. perhaps you are not who you use to be? narrowminded-ness and pettiness perhaps have clouded your 'all-so-mature' thoughts that you have already become no different from a spoilt kid in some comedy sitcom.

believe me, i still respect for who you are and those decisions that you have had made. then again, perhaps you need some research not on your final-year project, but research on things and factors on why you have such a laughable life. if you could take everything in jest, then life wouldn't be that miserable as it is now.

i dont expect an apology and we dont need one. because we are happy with the lives we have. we dont actually need you to tell us what to do, we have a clearer directions as to where we are heading, how we going to do, and when we going to get it done.

so go ahead with your so-called 'happy' life. because if i were to guage what you are going through. your happy is not even 1% of what im having. trust me. your life more miserable than what you think. unbelievable? try sitting down and slowly think through. im very sure that im spot on.=)

after 3 months

i dont feel like blogging already.
im having mind block

winner???

one knew there's no such thing as a winner here.
it doesnt matter who or when, it's the choices one make.
nothing is final.
one chose to let it go.
there will never be an eternal winner, some will give up, some will stay...
and thats it

humans???

just a little quote i got off from the latest episode of heroes.

a broken vessel, an empty shell.
what is a man without main, without memory.
a ghost? a body in search of a soul?
with no compass to guide us, how can we know if our destiny is to seek the good...
or obey the demons that whisper in our ear?
the blank slate hungers to be written upon. the body thrives when the heart has a mission.

BiTC

it has been 8 days since i left SG for Beijing for my FYP. i must say apart from the cold weather and salty food, the others are still fun. shopping is still the best part of each day or sports.

i have a very big confession to make. within the first week, ive actually spent near a thousand bucks just on shopping and food. i really do think im gonna have cup noodles for the rest of the 23 days here in Beijing.

furthermore, i manage to know a great bunch of people, some of us crossed path again. but it wasnt as weird and awkward as i thought it will be. i guess without these people over here in Beijing, life would be so much difficult to endure.

pictures wise, ive taken quite alot, some nice and vice versa. however, im just too lazy to even on photoshop and do some pp to it. more important things like project is also very difficult for me to start my engine too. can somebody please save me?!?!?!?

oh well, as of now, im playing fm while doing my own project. hopefully, i can manage to produce something which can satisfy my supervisor. although a pain in the butt, but he meant well. what to do...

bruce has been poisoning me with A700



and lihao has been poisoning me with A850




but both of them dont want to help me pay.
hahas..:D

ALPHA!!!

i must say, im indeed very happy to sell alpha and to have acheive greater heights. heights that not every other colleagues have done before. and i seriously feel that no one after us will have what it takes to acheived what we have done.even as of now, i dont believe any other sales colleague is able to beat this team. im really proud of you people.

the combination of different types of sales individual with different types of background and everything came together to make the Alpha target come true. it was a hard fight for all of us.

what is Nikon?? what is Canon?? what is Olympus?? those are bulls***!! try putting those sales people at Alpha and prepare for bad sales, trust me. however, put this winning team into those brand and prepare for even better results.

i thank all those who put in the effort to hit the target. xiaobai, kaifeng, keith, kliff, bruce. you people this title of Alpha Fighters.

and as for me, i am thinking about getting a Alpha A700 myself.=))
hopefully pay is more than enough for me to get it.

post 170

it has been such a long time that im able to wake up at 1230hrs on a weekend. usually, i wont even blog about my weekends, its all about work n slogging.

i must say that im astonished by the number of people who reads my blog. i think i should be removing my tagboard. i mean since readers dont tag then it is rather meaningless to put that either.

well, im just preparing myself for the upcoming show.
any buyers for sony alpha?? pls come look for me..
thanks..

well..i had a very good meal at fish n co..thanks to her..the company was superb i must say.

talks were great, with addition of good food, it really made my night. only thing that was kind of disturbing was the fact that the waiter was actually a poser according to her. not forgetting the midget waiter whom i couldnt tell what is the gender.

then played a little pool, she is good and i mean it.=)) she won the game fair and square. and i cant help but laugh everytime she missed the shot. "DONT MOCK AT ME AR!!" =D

all in all, everything is great.

who???

for every being cursed with self-awareness, there remains the unanswerable question. who am i?

we struggle to find meaningful connections to one another. we are the caring friend, the loving father, the doting mother, the protected child. we fight and we love in the hope that somehow, together, we can understand our significance in the universe.

however, in the end, no one can share our burden. each of us alone must answer the question...who am i? what does it mean to be alive? and in the vast infinity of time, how do i matter?

there are nearly 7 billion people on this planet. each one unique, different. what are the chances of that? and why? is it simply biology, physiology that determines this diversity? a collection of thoughts, memories, experience that carve out our own special place?

or is it something more than this?

perhaps there is a master plan that drives the randomness of creation. something unknowable that dwells in the soul and presents each one of us with a unique set of challenges that will help us discover who we really are.

we are all connected. joined together by invisible thread. infinite in its potential, and fragile in its design. yet while connected, we are also merely individuals. empty vessels to be filled with infinite possibilities. an assortment of thoughts, beliefs. a collection of disjointed memories and experiences.

can i be me without this? can you be you?

and if this invisible thread that holds us together were to sever, to cease...what then? what will become of billions of lone, disconnected souls? there in lies the great quest of our lives, to find, to connect, to hold on. for when our hearts are pure, and our thoughts in line, we are all truly one. capable of repairing our fragile world and creating a universe of infinite possibilities.

what type of hero/villian are you???

its after the projecting period.
and here is something ive thought all this while which explains my absence from blogging.

on the sixth day, god created man in his own image. and now it is up to us to figure it all out. right..wrong..good..evil..in each of us is a capacity to decide what drives our actions. so what is it, then, that make some choose selflessness, the need to devote themselves to something greater, while others know only self-interest? isolating themselves in a world of their own-making?

some seek love, even if unrequited, while others are driven by fear and betrayal. there are those who see their choices as dark proof of god's absence, while others follow a path of noble destiny.

but in the end, good, evil, right, or wrong...what we choose is never what we really need. for that is the ultimate cosmic joke, the real gift that god has left behind.

there is good, and there is evil...right and wrong...heroes and villians. and if we are blessed with wisdom, then there are glimpses between the cracks of each where light streams through... we wait in silence for these times when sense can be made... when meaningless existence comes into focus, and our purpose presents itself. and if we have the strength to be honest, then what we find there staring back at us is our own reflection... bearing witness to the duality of life...

that each one of us is capable of both the dark and the light, of good and evil, of either...of all. and destiny, while marching ever in our direction, can be rerouted by the choices we make, by the love we hold onto and promises we keep.

Get to know yourself better..

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:
You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:
You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education
Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

The right job for you:
You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:
You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:
You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

i must say, today at work was rather delighting. although tons of rules which i have to abide by but everything is starting to open up. although im still facing quite a little difficulty, never would i thought hai chew will require so much energy from me as compared to alan photo.

today was full of surprises, good and not so good? it was nice to see you again under such a coincidental circumstance, i see you are very happy and much more livelier?(is there such word?)
to put it in a way, i feel that things could have been improved one way or another, let us just see shall we? ive really got nothing to blog about other than this. like i say previously, when i thought that there isnt anymore surprise, it never fails to make me see things that clearly before. furthermore, it gets better everytime, from fluctuating attitudes to just merely eye contacts. so close yet so far? i suppose so?

i would like to end this boring post with a quote...

in this world, everything can change just like that. like that

nice~~

just when i thought i have nothing to blog about already. life has given me a rather good surprise for me to blog about. nice~~

but i have to apologize for the censorship in this post. if you know what im talking about, jolly well keep mum about it. its not nice to go around spreading things which you have no actual knowledge about.

anyway, today i had my common test, everything didnt came out as what i have expected. however, i manage to complete everything nicely, so no grumbles about it. thanks to ikram for meeting me early in the morning to get things sorted out. i still feel that the breakfast did the trick.

usual activities with him. i must say, i handled the situation rather well. to be able to unmoved by the mere comment from another passer-by. before, i move on any further, i think i will be getting some hate tags on my blog, no?=D
back to the post, the comment went,"i just saw what im not suppose to...". all i can say that it is a familiar face. however, to think that the person came out with this kind of statement is rather amusing. i was having mixed feelings though, however, i think that i should take things more dope. rather than being down and emo?

then again, my thoughts were if it was on purpose which i think it is, but i dont feel like brooding over it much as it is not very pleasant thing to do. amused in a sense that one can generate so much different feeling in such a period of time. too bad i dont study human psychology, or else i would have a valid explanation as to why things are this way. why i say i handled the situation well, i was physically and mentally unmoved, which means to say that ive gone through another stage and 'up my level'.

but here is a short little quote for you ya? mada mada dane...=))
in case you dont really know, it means "nope, not good enough.."
well, if you have that much energy to generate this amount of energy to do all these stuffs, why not think differently?
i still know you as a 'think differently' person, special for short?
you have a choice,why noy make things good? dont say you dont have. because if you say it that way, you are actually forcing yourself to be this way, which i personally feel that you are not helping yourself much?

sleep on it.=))


nice~~~

seriously, you really have some issues...

this post is actually overdue. it was suppose to be written last night, but i dont know why suddenly blogspot had a little hiccup and i cant access to write a new post last night.

this post is to whom it may concern. if you feel that im talking about you. call me and lets talk.

i am very sure that ive hardly gave you any problems since we first met back in dec 06. up till today, im pretty sure that ive stayed out of alot of troubles. yet, you still have some issues with me? come on, how childish can you be? you already have a spouse and yet you are acting like as if im your big brother. if you have real issues with me, just come directly to me. you dont have speak behind my back and im serious about it.

frankly, ive always respected you in the first place, i dont know when you started to have issues with me. is it because of respect? have i not given you enough? if thats what you want from it, earn it. im giving no respect to no one until that bugger has duly earn it. likewise, i want to earn respect too, ive done my fair share of things and i think you should too.

what is power? position? i heard that last night that you said all these words about me, i am very pissed off by you. then again, why should i even bother to go and argue with you such things. old man has say to me not once, but multiple times, as long you got nothing against your guilty conscience, you dont have to worry. it has been stuck in my head and i dont understand why it didnt stuck in yours despite you spending most of life with him comparing to mine, talk about blood is thicker than water. you can say whatever you want about me, which you have already done quite abit. it is just that im told to stay cool or else i wont have lasted that long. i think im quite a krptonite to you ya? i think that is the only conclusion i can derive from your intentions of trying to get rid of me...

before i finish this post, i would like to say that im aiming for no ones position. what im doing is purely and merely helping out. if you cant see this clearly enough, i think you seriously need a new pair of specs

and dont be like a kid again, pls? it actually disgusts me alot. mada mada dane

to that kid

if you can go till the extent of removing one from facebook, there is only a few conclusions i can make. either you are so darn free to search for my name in it or you are just that childish.

no one has to bother how i manage to find out. all i can say is that, neither am i blind nor deaf. so dont treat me like one. however, if i have to treat you like a little kid then i would rather not waste my time. go do what your mummy tell you, and dont be acting like 'punk', thinking you are a 'soldier'.=)) (if you understand that is)

i mean no harm. because if there is any friendship to talk about then ive really surprise at how you use to act out those maturity back then. and how you become this selfish just like what your hate tag say the previous time.

so you better take a step to prepare yourself, cause the way you living now, aint good for your health.

Dont bother translating it...

hai dee, rao lerk peua bpaet deuan laew. a-deet kwaam roo-seuk yang kong. wan nee, chan yang mai roo tam-mai ter song hai bpai. duay kong dtaang boo-root?

chan mee naa bok jao hua ok ja gliang soon. ter rak krai laew. chan ya kao jai tam-mai chan pae hai kao. dtae, chan ja mai koie saap het pon kwaa? wen dtae ter kor kwaam chan dton nee, dai chai mai mee taang. yaang rai gor taam, chan yang uay pon ter hai dee. dtae, chan yang kit waa ter goo. ter bok ter rak chan dta-lot bpai, dtae mong dtrong puak rao dton nee!! rao woot-wit roo dtor gan. hai kon dieow gaan kui.

dtae, kop koon ter, chan dtang krai tam jao chee-wit mee kwaam maai eek. chan roo-seuk tee ter chai dee gwaa koon maak maai. tang-tang tee chan kit fan-feuang puak rao daai bpen gan. dtae, chan yin-dee kao gap ter. ter naam dton gap L. kit taa koon daai. hahas..

laa gon, dtae chan wang waa mee tee sam-rap eek.


please dont translate it, it's meant for personal reading. thanks.

another 24hrs

looking back at certain few entries, only somethings just bring me that low.

life is a daily buzz.

however, ive something to look forward to each day. then again, it may not be pleasant either sometimes.


not even just a sms?..=((

after the IT show, its back to more and more school work.
before i start, i would like to wish my dear friend Bruce aka my partner in Alpha, good luck on your enlistments.

coming to the PC show, i already know it is impossible for Alpha to hit target. not trying to say anything but it is really the truth. tell me, when you have only one model to sell comparing to other brands, how you gonna do it? never hit what i set for myself personally but then it was having fun playing with A900. i think im kind of poisoned by it. going to post up some pictures by it soon when i get a CF card reader.

on a lighter note, the PC show also helped me to regain certain things. ive never expected it to deal such a big impact on me, but it already has. everytime eye contact is established, it somehow is the peace within the chaos in my life. dont question, it is just that feeling which ive lost it but now ive found it back again.

however, im also afraid at the same time that things may not go my way. after recovering from the initial setback, i think im just still that feeble to receive another one. some say follow your heart while the others gave a clear no. kind of confuse and it needs to be sorted fast enough.

a meant to be joke...

today rl told me something which he meant it as a joke which has a tinge of truth in it.

"s is past tense. l is future tense."

kinda stuck in my head i guess...

to a certain extent today i dont really know what is really going on. everything just come and go with a snap of a finger. im rather surprise actually.

wish i could say hi, but i doubt there is a chance till i dont know when. i took notice of that black shirt initially, however, i think the brown shirt wasnt too striking to seek enough attention. then again, it maybe acting oblivious about it.

im not trying to be emo or wad, it is just that sudden feeling which i couldnt find any channel to purge it out. so i resort to my blog to see if there are any kind souls out there whom i can share my feelings with.

anyway, your birthday is coming this thurs, here's wishing you a happy birthday. enjoy it to the fullest.=))

dont write me off just yet...

まだまだ だね

im rather feeling weird about what happened today in class. i must say the comment received wasnt ideal and also not what i had in mind. it was fine in the beginning after that it wasnt pleasant to hear at all.

i didnt realise it was that serious all along. despite hearing many advices to tone it down, it doesnt seems to be working. it has also indirectly cost me something which ive held so dearly back then.

then again, if i change, will i still be the sheng? frankly, im confused. perhaps i can never change for the better?...

this weekend

was at causeway point working.
i must really agree that children are the best thing on earth, seriously. i know i may sound a sissy talking about this. but its really a darn true fact that they are the best things.

when they laugh, adults, parents in particular wonder why their child laugh and smile at objects and stuffs which they think its lame. however, i beg to differ, the kids just find the most profound joy in the simplest things on earth.

sometimes i just really wish i can be like them. the way they look at things and react to it is really amazing. i dont really have an explanation as to why im feeling this way but i feel kind of peaceful. they just amaze me in many different ways.

think its time i should start shooting again. to capture everything from a kid's perspective. this shall be my project for this year 2009. will be back to post a lot of results.

random thoughts again... ...

was at the bus stop with ikram..
then the thought came to my mind...

my question to you...

time will heal?
did time had a chance to heal your heart?
or is it just numbers counting down to a new start?

my heart froze

i would like to take a short sentence off from wendee's blog.=D
thanks wendee for putting it on her blog so that i can rip.
this is the feeling now..=D


Pump my heart again pls! Eyecandyyyyyyyyy when will we meet again? *shy* hahahaha.


and a picture, inspired by angels and demons
done by ikram. cheers to that..

i didnt knew about this...till today...

one didnt expect there are so many things left unsaid.

readers, if there is any, you all must be wondering why one is in such a emo state now. well, all one can say is that google is a very good tool. there are so many things which one overlooked till google showed one 5 mins ago.

one really have got to thank google. one has realised that one's fault all along looms over her. in a way, giving her unnecessary tension when she already had enough. however, there is nothing as to what one can do, because it has all become what one cant do.

one believes that there isnt any chance to correct those mistakes. because the shutdown button has been clicked. to be precise, one dont really know what you are doing, but one dont have a good feeling about this. one dont know why and dont question one, if you ever do.

one have done my part by keeping mum about what we've said the other time. one believes one have made a wise choice. but whether or not it is going to stay as one is still a rather big question mark you see. one is not trying to imply anything on anyone because 'you reap what you sow'. no point blaming, no point judging nor findings mistakes because it is going to make things worse.

all one can say is that, do what you feel is necessary. if it means blocking and avoiding one, one would gladly accept the change. because of one reason, this is life. it aint going to wait. make the fullest of everything you do. take care of yourself if you can and dont let work stress the hell out of you because you cant really deal with your burn out.=))


no worries, one is still doing fine.=))
worry not, one is not furious about anything.
is just that tinge of regret one has caused it to oneself? perhaps?=D

#150

never did i expect my milestone post to be talking about this.

never did i expect it to go back into the Tommy Hilfiger box. then again, out of sight and out of mind, no? if that is your decision, i have to respect it.

when will it ever get to see daylight again remains a question mark which only you know the answer. although i wish to know it too but i guess i wont have the chance already.


i hope you are reading this though=D

post: angels

well, im officially back from my first blood donation, and im still feel rather awkward about it.

anyway, the process was very long, we have to do survey and check our bodies and many more other things which took up our lunch time which resulted in a very late lunch. however, the overall experience was fulfilling and full of achievements, knowing that your blood will pick 3 person's life back from hell is rather amusing.

managed to donate a least a pack full. although zg was speaking that i didnt, however, im quite sure that i did. the awkward part is that i almost fainted towards the end of the donation. yes, sheng almost fainted, i mean come on im also a human and i do have my weakness. not that im afraid to see blood, it is just that i didnt regulate my breathing according to zg. he probably be saying that im weak and all.

they didnt allow any photo taking so i didnt take much photos. im rather disappointed that they dont even allow me to take a picture of my own blood. then again, it is a good experience. and im proud to say im no longer a blood-donation virgin. speaking of that, they gave both of us a sticker which tells them to be gentle as this is our first donation. it is quite cute though.


heres some pics... ...

pre: angels

initially, i was thinking of doing this entry after ive finished what i started out to do for today. it was a very random 'mission' which zg and me thought of while roaming the streets of dhoby.

it so happened that the both of us met up and went to watch movie. obviously, it is ron howard's angels and demons, you cant expect us to watch ramen girl rite? regarding the movie, the plot were good and the climax is there. somehow the ending was within everyone's calculation? want to know why i say that? then spend 6 bucks to go catch the movie yourself.=D

and since we are talking about angels and demons, it fits the context of what im going to do later with zg. although ive never been an angel throughout my life or anyone else's life, however, it is all going to change. im going to donate blood later. yes, it is very amusing to hear something like this coming from me. it was a shared idea between zg and me. the random-ness of this thought is that it just came naturally yesterday, but we couldnt afford to sacrifice the movie since we have bought the tickets beforehand. therefore, zg, being a justice, told the ladies over at the booth that we will come back tomorrow which is today. so zg will keep his promise and i will go along with him.

and there you have it, my first blood donation. although i must say zg wasnt really the ideal person that i want to do this with. no hard feelings zg, its just a feeling. but nevermind, we had alot of first times together didnt we?=))

choices

today met up with old man and went for 'patrolling' with him
went to various places but didnt show face.
spent quite sometime around millenia walk, didnt realise it is such a nice place, although it is kinda out of the way for many things when you have suntec city by your side.=D

so was aimlessly looking around before settled down with old man to discuss some issues. he gave me an insight as to certain things, and i must say, everyone has to brace themselves. be careful is another factor because we do not unnecessary trouble.

all i can say now is, if i have to stop certain things even if it means compromising memories. i dont think i will hesitate to do it since many things meant nothing much now isnt it?

however, i do not wish to go till that extend, because the aftermath is rather scary.

so what is your say? you have choices...

crunch

i dont mean anything
but whatever you are going through
just be careful ya?

reason being is that
im not having a very good feeling about it
however i maybe wrong
it is up to you to believe though

so ya
be careful
cheers

here is gone

and i
wanted to be
all you need

somehow here is gone

frequency

here i am, taking a short little break from tutorial mugging(surprised). it is a seemingly never-ending race to keep up with tutorials. im simply wondering how do some people keep up work with lecture pace. either they have to mug like mad, is PRO-ly smart(i know a few) or has just 48hrs a day.

anyway, that is not the idea for today. i shall be talking about digital content and distribution systems aka DCSDS. in particular, frequencies.
as everyone would know, in order to receive effective communication, the receiver must be the same frequency as that of the transmitter.
for radio and all sorts of mechanical devices, their frequency is readily set to operational levels and are usually not easily subjected to changes, be it sudden or gradual.
however, for humans, in particular one's friends, their frequencies tend to oscillate wildly and immensely. previously, a common frequency was easily determined and obtained for my friend and i, communication flourished easily spite of inherent and apparent similarities, a common frequency has never since been re-achieved. despite scanning the whole limits of possible frequency, the matching receiver frequency has not been found. maybe i have moved into a range of possible frequencies vastly different and that it has been the case for my friend as well, but it simply matters much.
while some have gone on and found their own optimal frequency ranges, contact is still possible due the presence of overlapping frequency channel. acting on both transmitter and receiver.

so it is my wish that i can re-find that optimal frequency range that is common.

thanks

well, to those who have wished me, i thank you very much.
for those who didnt, its ok, i dont blame you. maybe you are just too shy.=))

thanks for those who have went the extra mile. notable ones are zg, jr and mj. zg and jr for the beating which im still suffering from the bruises. and mj for her dedication over the radio. my first time being wished happy birthday over the national radio.

for those whom i didnt mention, you still have my appreciation for wishing me one way or another. i thank you all again.

however, now im prepared to bid goodbye to my day. tomorrow shall be another new day, another new 24hrs to get things done.

happy birthday, i say to myself

yes, sheng dont post much chinese stuff on his blog. but since now its officially my birthday. so lets try something different. this is a nice song though...for those who doesnt understand the chinese words. let me translate using my own vocab..dont laugh if im wrong..hahas..every line corresponse..

我知道伤心不能改变什么
那么让我诚实一点
诚实难免有不能控制的宣泄
只有关上了门不必理谁
一个人坐在空的包厢里面
手机让它休息一夜
那上千个切掉回忆的画面
眼泪不能流过十二点
生日快乐
我对自己说
蜡烛点了
寂寞亮了
生日快乐
泪也融了
我要谢谢你给的你拿走的一切
还爱你的一点恨
还要时间
才能平衡
热恋伤痕
画面重生
祝我生日快乐


i know sadness cant change anything,
then, let me be honest.
honesty, it is difficult not to vent out.
only to close the doors and not get bothered by anyone.
alone, sitting in a empty box
let the handphone rest for a night
those thousands memories only to stop
not allowing to let tears flow after 12
happy birthday,
i say to myself.
candles lit
loneliness brightens up
happy birthday
tears melt.
i would like to thank you for everything that you have given and taken
still loving your tinge of hate
still need a little time
to balance it up
memories repeated
wish myself happy birthday


click here for the song

punk'd

this post is very stupid. i feel so stupid right now.
it happened between me and my dad.

(over lunch)

dad: "so you are looking at which car now?"

me: *stun* huh?

dad: "what car you want to get?"

me: *grinning* oh..Im looking at the suzuki grand vitara leh

dad: oh..how much isit?

me: well, looking at around 60k? for a secondhand one

dad: WHAT?!?! get second hand??? buy car must always buy new one...

----------------------------------------------------
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, AT THIS POINT MANY OF YOU WOULD HAVE THOUGH THAT HE WOULD ACTUALLY BE SUCH A NICE PERSON AND TELL ME THAT IM GOING TO GET IT. A NEW ONE TOO.
WELL, CONTINUE READING.
----------------------------------------------------


me: *getting excited* you say as if you are going to get it

dad: you wish, you want to get a ride, you are on your own.


YES PEOPLE. THAT IS WHAT HE SAID. SUDDENLY MY WHOLE WORLD COLLAPSE. I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO GET SOMETHING FOR SURE YET...DAMN..THIS IS RIDICULOUS. AND THE BEST PART IS THAT HE IS YOUR DAD!! WELL, THIS HAS TAUGHT ME NOT TO THINK OTHERWISE WHEN TALKING TO YOUR OWN DAD.

unhappy

yes, the title of the post says it all, sheng is on a rampage mood. so better dont cross the line or else you're in for a treat. there is actually nothing much to talk about this feeling right now. to put it in laymen terms, is angry, that is all i can describe.

one thing which adds up to this is because im feeling very much cranky due to the lack of sleep since school has started. i really need tons of sleep to get my engine running which im unable to source it out.

on top of that, new modules are rather difficult to understand so far. although everything is all a click away but it just that damn hard to understand what is being taught. timings of all classes hasnt been really kind to me, or so to speak. to summarise, im still unable to adapt to this new environment so far. sometimes i wonder how come this is the case, it has never been a problem for me to adapt fast. not to brag about it but it is the truth, adapting has never been a problem till now.

another is rather nine to five issue i should say. this part is rather censored, so if readers dont understand then jolly well just exit from my blog.

being inflexible is rather pissing me off, and i mean it. distance has never been a problem for me, however, it is the environment which is causing all this shit. apparently, im unable to do it properly due to the fact that there is no cache for me. no cache for me means no income, then what is the whole idea then? indirectly, it has cause distance to be another demoralizing factor for me already. and no base from anyone has make things even worse for me, unable to do truly what i want and being restricted has caused it to be very mundane. im rather disappointed in it. the whole idea of inflexibility comes in because of the failure in wanting to achieve more and also being complacent. one should not be complacent in anything, if things are going to work out for now, it does not necessarily means it will be forever. i dont wish to see myself being undermine over there throughout. i believe there are better people who are much more capable of doing things over there rather than me.

however, this is all just rantings, who would ever take note of such minor stuffs? if ever a day it does, it means that someone of higher power has answered my call and decided to help me out. other than that, these here are just plain words which will only fall into death ears. then again, i do hope that there is a solution as to what im facing generally. although that is what one is seriously hoping for, but mostly it always turns out the opposite way. isnt it???

responsibilities;

responsibilities means answerable or accountable, as for something within one's power, control or management.

so now my question to you. what are your responsibilities? to put it in a nicer way, it is call help. one shall not speak of the ugly way. it will only turn more sour. ordering one around doesnt sounds any fun at all. one is obliged to adhere to instructions or not. remember, doing this out of good will and taking something back in return via the same thing is a totally different story. get your responsibilities right, because for the time being, one doesnt think you deserve much respect from oneself. although asking nicely is just another act, however, the motive behind is just to lighten workload. give one what oneself deserve and maybe one will consider.

on another note, if you think one is wrong, come talk to one straight up. one believe there is always room for talking. it is depending how civilized and mature a person is to settle certain matters.

cough;

im so at lost as to what to put on my blog.
ive just recently changed my skin back to the traditional ones.
was rather amazed that blogger do provide certain services.
anyway, got myself a new haircut, all i can say it is very short.
well, dinner time

beautifully imperfect

it really those minor details which make everyone beautifully imperfect. it is just that not everyone has the ability to see. am i not right?

was thinking about what one of my friend always say when someone approaches him for help.

need help i call you brother, dont need help i call you FUCKER.

to a certain extent it is rather true. on the contrary, we just dont want to see that, we just want to feel that sense of achievement to help. only at the end then we realized that it has all been a hoax since the start. im just rather surprised and disappointed at times at how things goes. for a moment you thought were doing the right thing, then vice versa the next minute.

one cannot blame others for anything that one has received. the truth is that all those being received is what one has sowed in the past. and what you reap is what you sow. so an apple will always be an apple, no matter how much you try to change to a orange or a lemon.

anyway, one has to begin to start reaping for the future now, so that one can receive not only just apple. but also oranges and lemons in the future. perhaps one day, one can open up a fruit juice store somewhere.

back from my short retreat.
feeling kind of refreshed but not totally.
however, it was fun and also a good experience.
took many pictures.
one thing i've learnt from this lil retreat of mine.

never stop trying. because it is just not the end. it matters how we are going to finish. am i going to finish strong? and i will find the strength to get back up..

here are a few:

eyes

look me in the eyes,
it's ok if you're scared.
so am i,
but we're scared for different reasons.
im scared of what i wont become,
and you're scared of what i could become.

look at me,
i wont let myself end where i started.
i wont let myself finish where i begin.
i know what's within me,
even if you cant see it yet.

look me in the eyes,
i have something more important than courage.
i have patience.
i will become what i know,
i am.

shall break this post into 2 parts.
firstly,




forget about the picure, i know, it sucks. im ugly. =D
but then this is what i've been waiting for since march.

secondly,
trust was always an excuse as to what is happening around us. if one could just hang in there with slightly more determination, perhaps things wont have the outcome as of today. no one is to blame for anything, neither im supposed to blame anyone. question comes down, WHO AM I or rather WHO ARE WE TO JUDGE EACH OTHER? not trying to emo over here, but this is indeed a learning platform which one will never be keen to visit anytime sooner. however, if mentally and soulfully one isnt here, i would say speaking up will be a much more wiser choice. rather than just dragging oneself inside a empty shell. we all are mature, so be someone mature and dont use other form of words as a sword to push it into other's heart. it aint nice you see. especially trust.

emo?..

was having an internal struggle with myself a few minutes ago. when it comes to things of the heart, one needs to emo for max 2 days and will be over it. apparently, i cant heed my own saying totally though.

cyclical emo-ing is really quite amazing. im truly amazed by it. after nearly 3 weeks of excellent health, it can pounce on you, just when your mana reserves are negligible. guess it takes a constant effort to maintain one's sanity, but rather glad that it's easier to contain and maintain nowadays.

but i must say the feeling of getting hanged in between is the worst ever. though it may be vital and enriching learning platform, but im never keen to visit it.

departures

often then not, we wait till the very end, only to look back in anguish and horror.
how many times have we let pettiness over-ride and over-whelm us?..

what is what?

simple quote i got off a show today.

there is no fear when one expects to be betrayed.
what is truly terrifying, is when betrayal is unexpected.

sleep on it

big picture, minor details.

i've seen and piece the bigger picture together now.
however, i shall not forget about the minor details, everyone has their part to play.
i have mine, and i shall not screw things up.


thanks

useless

it seems futile.
having the ability to achieve it is a great feeling i must say.
however, the capability to fulfill the purpose of this achievement seems as though it doesnt exists in the first place.
it seems like everything is so futile. like it has never happened.
regretting is one issue, not fulfilling is another one.
im in doubts about fulfilling either, it seems no purpose having to achieve it in the first place.

to sum it all up

first i got my coveted license

then i worked in the IT show


not much feeling left to say. tired seems to be the only right now, although i should be resting and all. but i feel energetic yet not. what irony...

TP

in a few moments i will be off to take my driving TP.
i shall be make it a point that i will get it the first time.
well, Singapore, be careful because here comes a soon to be road hazard.=))

its around 1445hrs at my test, however, since i had an early night yesterday. im awaked now not knowing what to do and im staring into blank space while listening to POD. this can be so boring at times yet so relaxing, if you get what i mean.

im still contemplating whether to go down for the set up later at suntec city. yes, the IT show starts tomorrow, and im actually not really feeling any stress as the event draws nearer. most people would be the direct opposite, however, i guess these are signs that im rather prepared for it? then again, im afraid by the time im almost done with driving which i hopefully can pass, it will be around 4 or 5? because of the admin works, seriously i hate admin works.=))

anyway, back to more staring into the blank space.=))

Will You - POD

See you sittin' next to the window in the bedroom
She breaks down - breaks down
Crying over something and starin' into nothin'
Afraid now - hate now
Wanting, needing, haunting, it's killing me
Faking what has happened to live the life like that man
I'll break down - It's fake now

Will you, will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?

Fade in and out of reason to fight the way she's feelin'
She breaks down - breaks down
Going through the motions and holding onto hopes
and her dreams now - somehow
Shaken, mistaken, forsaken, it's killing me.
Wishing you could change, but he's always been this way
If you leave now - I'll drown

Will you, will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Will you, will you be here tomorrow?
So Will You, you remember yesterday?

Yesterday! Yesterday!
Yesterday! Yesterday!

This time, I'm sorry
This time, I'm sorry
This time, this time, I'm sorry for this time
This time, this time, I'm sorry
This time I'm sorry!

Will you, Will you love me tomorrow?
So Will You, Will you stay with me today?
Will you, Will you be here tomorrow?
So Will You, you remember yesterday?

Will you? [x6]
So Will You?
Will you? [x6]

through your very eyes

integrity.

you once said never to doubt it and here i am, at a crossroads.

am i to believe in the words you once uttered and cling on to your integrity or dont believe them and fail in my own judgement?

trust, integrity, friendship. the very words you speak of, and the very actions i cannot see. i hear the total opposite of what came out of the very lips once touched.

the power of intention, energy, folding time, strength and comfort.
at the end of the day, im a rocket in the sky.

THIS COMING IT SHOW....

well, was talking to zg-san just now.
it all came down to only one conclusion.

IT'S GONNA BE FUN.

FUN!
乐趣!
楽しみ!
plaisir!
der Spaß!
divertimento!

so please let me enjoy myself...
cant wait for the fun to begin

anyway, thanks to zhenguang for the sharing the fun thoughts, let us enjoy this game shall we bro?

this is lame

fun eh?

i heard its for fun, i hear it isn't
answer only one shall know.
choosing to believe is another thing,
however, ignorance sometimes may be bliss.

things has gone this way,
no one would expects it today.
where we are now,
is what we have done.
no point blaming this and that,
because it is not fun.

blessings and prayers is the most stupid things one have done,
but one hopes this will help in long run.
what the future holds,
no one really knows.
tell me, do you really hate?
is it to the core?
doesn't it means anything?
do one still care?
does another one know?
do one really have to go?
only time will know...


...every one is the architect of their own future
ya, i know its link-less.=))

most notable thing i've done today.

-eating a bar of chocolate and also a cup of milk

photographer's sighs

thanks to WHAT THE DUCK for understandings how i feel about photography some times.

anyway, was at Haji this morning, have uploaded the pics which i feel nice. anyway, do give me your comments. its all in face book.

CLICK HERE

Knocking

knocking so ever hard on the fortress doors

siege warfare is an grueling

troops are off to conquer other lands

a lone scout keeps watch on the perimeter

he wonders when it is his turn to go home

clear confusions
gain more energy
maintain integrity
uphold discipline
focus
i believe in you more than you believe in yourself

it seems like things have become more and more coherent.
perhaps things should be done the other way round.
but the power of the human mouth is powerful.
twist of everything can be so easily maneuvered.
go think about it, losing faith? u? or me?

Burnt out

you have probably noticed that my blog has been a bit 'weird' for the past few month or so. the truth is that i am totally burnt out right now. it is sad really. i can be such a machine; i could pull late nights after late night and still stumble into school and be productive. right now, im in this funk where all i want to do is sleep. for what's worth, i feel i have accomplished alot, most notably - getting through this semster 'unharmed' and quitting my bad habit of smoking. needless to say, 2008 was quite a journey for me A whole. it always amazes me how much everyone mature over the course of a year.

i plan on using the rest of the holidays to relax and refuel so that i can hit the ground running in April after the holidays. i have lots of new goodies to continue playing with, from FM 09 and NFS to Red Alert 3 and PES.. it is going to be an interesting year. i do plan on creating flash animation for the company's website and maybe picking back up on the portfolio which has been gathering dust since June. ZG and i have been talking about collaborating on some interesting other than the company's website, so who knows what lies ahead.

anyway i just want to apologize for the lack of new content on here and rant about my current state of (unusual) burn out. i wish you all a safe and happy holiday and look forward rejoining you in Apr.

update

yes, yesterday was the first paper for me, hopefully all went well. although some questions were difficult to answer, but with a little crap in it, it seems as if it all make sense. i must say, im rather proud for being able to finish up the paper in such a jiffy.

anyway, the mood for DDI isnt really here, ive not really started on it since yesterday when everyone is. that is the sad part of me. however, just got back from the doc and im rather surprise about my medical result. fyi, its chinese doc and not the western ones.

despite having to change so much of my habits for the past months, i havent really been able to perk myself up. so much aches in me that ive to undergo 3 treatments at once. acupuncture, ba guan and zhou guan. the results were 'wondrous', i have so much toxic in me. that explains why sometimes i just cant sleep and of course the temper is also that hot. feeling very bad now, it seems like everything is just going to explode without any warning.

anyway, still feeling the aches though, will take medicines regularly so that i can clear the toxic asap. although it is impossible to clear all inside, but i think to clear a little is better than nothing eh? kind of pissed off with it because all came at once and no one is really there to take care of matters. that is the sad part though, everything is you are on your own. its different from when people are offering you help and yet you say that there isnt any problem. so cant really compare at times.

well, back to more mugathon, which i really dread it. but no choice, this is life, shit happens. so remember to wipe your bottoms when you're done.=))

you good luck for you exams too...=))

curious case

i know i rarely blog.

however, watching the curious case of benjamin button is screwing myself psychologically up.

disoriented, unsynced and disconnected.

the reversal of roles, so diverse yet so similar. pinned down by the unconditional love of the characters makes me absolutely chilling to the core. it is psychologically disruptive, and the very more counter-intuitive.

to summarise, screwed up big time.

a lot of weird energy has been flowing through me these past 2 days. it really does know how to blow hot and cold, gas bubbling around, funky quirks bumping around. i dont really understand all these heralds, but i do hope of it being better for the future.

protect

certain things im hoping not to happened is kind of happening.
however, im actually rather powerless to stop this from happening.
many bull**** is coming up again, just heard one last night, wasnt really pleasant to hear such things.
not knowing where the source comes from really annoys me much.
it means not being able to clear the roots.

to sidetrack a little

likewise, all i want to see is you being happy.
i dont mind coping myself up or put up a false front.
to see you truly smile again is something that i would do.
however, forget me not, because too much things have gone through my head.
i dont know if you still feel the same but i know i still do.
60 days has passed since then, im still trying to do what i can to make it a point for the better.
i apologize and hope you understand, at the end of the day, its still yo*...
hope im not adding on to your already-heavy-burden or anything else because im trying to speak my mind.=))

coming back to what ive heard, it is really annoying to find out such things has happened to me all this while.
nevertheless, what's said cannot be taken back, i shall not blame anyone or anything for this incident.
however, i will not allow such things to happen again.
by starting from within is the best that i can to stop this from happening again.


you rest well...ok?..=))

to whom it may concern

other than using blogging to express out my inner feelings, i dont really know where to vent it out or how to vent it out.

life is starting to get rushed up, well, that is what everyone says too. however, im looking at the possibilities of making up for lost time in the past. im not really good at it though, however, i dont really mind trying it out. as the old saying, no pain no gain?

anyway, to that certain someone whom i cant talk to directly, i think this is the only way i can get my message across to you. hopefully, you are reading this.

first and foremost, you've gotta be strong. i know things wasnt really going your way all this while. then again, there r ups n downs. no worries. the fact that things turn out this way, doesnt necessarily means it will remain this way forever. remember how i always say? always look things on the brighter side? even there isnt any, try to look for a dim light maybe?=))dont be defeated just yet, you've still got a long way to go. alot of things is waiting for you to be discovered and explored.

it is not that you've lost yourself, it is just that you havent found yourself back only. i believe you can regain the YOU that everyone knows including me. so many of friends are backing you up. although im not really sure where im categorized, which is not important now, i am still here to root for you too.=))

never doubt yourself. start believing. i feel that you got more than what it takes to overcome those difficulties that you are facing now. if you start to feel down and all, treat yourself to a bar of chocs especially you're favorite ones maybe? the future is a big question mark for all of us so try not to worry too much about the future. i, myself, am afraid of the future at times. however, like my old saying, always look on the brighter side.=))

lastly, in order to make it to the future, you've got to take care of yourself. late nights are inevitable, i have my late nights too. if you can, take rest at times. so that you will not get burnt out. so i hope you can take care of yourself. remember the ne-yo song?

well, that is all i've got to say, sorry for being so long-winded.=))

help

some might think im crazy, to blog such early in the morning
but this happened last night. it just came and went, unknowingly, leaving me sleepless


imissyou

• i remember how we got stuck in class. it would have been ok, though, because you were there
• i remember the feeling of security. like a safety net, or harness
• i remember when everything clicked. just came all together, it was at a class, we were 14.
• i remember caring, then being taught how to have fun. to open up
• i remember nicknames
• i remember how we make each other laugh with only glances
• i remember how it felt like home everytime i saw you
• i remember that everything was new and exciting. and for awhile, it felt like it would all be ok forever.
• i remember that i loved you all. you were my everything
• i remember you, but... ...

imissyoustill... ...sorry

keyboard? me?

saw this on my friend's blog
decided to try it out though.
seems interesting
and here is the results

You Are "tab"

Some people might try to say that you're always spaced out. You do tend to be a dreamer, but you're also a great multitasker. You work quickly and efficiently. So it's no problem if you goof off a little while you're working. And if people want to think you're flakey, that's fine. You're getting more done than they are.

shall we?

as i peer over the ledge of the cliff, the chasm looks too wide to breach.
struggling to overcome the mental chatter, all it takes seem to be faith only.

courage is not action in the absence of fear, but action in the face of fears

-Mark Twain

i will remember this quote as i prepare to fly and should anytime i crash-land.
dont get the wrong meaning though.

not just the quote, but my wings will soar with the love.

adventure? torture? danger? excitement?

what entails in this journey is beyond imagination. and maybe, when i look back at this moment, it be all but a dream. a dream that i believe in.

jump? nope, FLY!!!

hey!!

let's start everything with me..=))

let me do the honours

2nd day of the year

well, its the second day and ive yet done my new year's resolution.
and many others has already done theirs while im still stuck here thinking what should be mine.

- get my studies done and over with
- become what i should be in the future
- relishing the prospects of getting everything done on time
- remembering all the things ive done and change for the better
- wait

think thats all..
happy 2009
cheers to all